DISCLAIMER: there are pictures of injections in this blog.
Last night, I gave myself my last injection of my first round of IVF: my trigger shot, which makes my body produce all the eggs ready for collection in surgery Monday.
Since the first day of this journey I’ve had a total of 40 shots.
It started off as one a day (Buserelin) and then two a day (Buserelin and Menopur).
Luckily, I’m not scared of needles! I was fine in the nurse’s office when they handed me a needle and asked me to stick it in my stomach to see if I could do it. At first I was only thinking about the start of this journey and worrying about the side effects more than the actual injections.
I was quite excited for the first one and actually got my husband to take a picture!
For the first couple of weeks, it was ok, I was becoming quite a pro, actually: wipe bottle off with antiseptic, put air into needle, empty needle in bottle, fill to 0.6, empty back to 0.5, pinch stomach skin, insert needle, gently push in drugs, remove needle, grab a tissue to wipe off blood if necessary.
This routine became normal and I even managed to do this in my brother-in-law’s bathroom, restaurant bathrooms, at work, in the car. And luckily my symptoms were minor, just a small heat rash. My anxiety did get a little worse, with a little more sobbing at home with hubby. All in all, I consider myself lucky.
I did get a few bruises along the way though, but again they were not that painful.
I even coped quite well with the new high protein, low carb and sugar-free diet, with no snacking! didn’t even miss alcohol… (I miss chocolate though)
But, after a while, my life became all about the time when I would do the injection. I had an alarm on my phone in case I forgot, but there was absolutely no chance that would have happened.
It’s all I thought about.
When it would be, where I would have to do it, would it draw blood and would it be painful again (the Menopur was much more painful than the Buserelin).
Due to my history of Thrombosis, I also had to take aspirin daily, and I would keep worrying about every twinge I would feel or if my legs felt uncomfortable, as I was so worried about it.
It consumed my life. I was worrying about it in the morning, thinking about it all day, and checking my phone every two minutes about an hour before my scheduled time. I even dreamt about these injections on a regular basis.
It got to the point that I couldn’t even find a distraction from it and I was dreading it so much that I would start crying uncontrollably whenever I started to think about it.
These injections took over my life. I struggled to sleep, if I knew I had an injection coming up which would not be at home. I started resenting my husband for not being there when I was doing them, even though he was at work and commuting from London with no control over arrival times. I would get angry if people were inviting me out to dinner, because how dare they make me feel so worried (even though they had no idea what I was going through).
I hate the fact that IVF has taken over my life in this way, but it does. IVF is all I breathe, all I sleep and all I dream.